Do You Have a Hobby—Or Just Another Obligation?

When was the last time you did something just for fun—with no goals, no pressure, and no productivity attached? If you can’t think of an answer, you’re not alone. So many women struggle to have hobbies, and today, we’re going to talk about why.

We often blame a lack of time, but the real reason goes much deeper. In this episode, I’m sharing a personal experience that made me realize how easily we turn hobbies into obligations—whether it’s setting unnecessary goals, feeling pressure to be “good” at something, or even turning a hobby into a side hustle.

If you’ve ever caught yourself turning a hobby into another to-do list item, this conversation will help you take a step back and rethink how you approach fun, creativity, and time for yourself—without guilt.

In This Episode, We’ll Explore:

• Why women struggle to do things just for fun
• How hobbies slowly turn into side hustles or productivity goals
• The mindset shift you need to truly enjoy a hobby guilt-free
• Three things you must do to break free from the pressure to “achieve”

________________________________

Overwhelmed? Frazzled? Tired of your calendar controlling you?
You are in the right place! Sign up for this free, on-demand training and learn how to gain control of your time no matter what life throws at you!
>>> https://www.megansumrell.com/freetraining
________________________________

Thanks for tuning in!
Megan 🩷🐝

www.megansumrell.com
www.instagram.com/megansumrell
www.youtube.com/@the_pink_bee
www.linkedin.com/in/msumrell
www.onelink.to/qxdcwu

Transcript

[00:00:00] Do you have an actual hobby? Meaning something you do simply for fun with no end goal attached to it. Now, if you don't, you're not alone. And today we're going to dig into why. 

[00:00:14] All right, if you don't have a hobby due to just lack of time on your calendar, I get it. And that's exactly what I help women overcome inside of my top program, where I teach all things time management, organization, and productivity. But today, we're going to be talking about a very subtle, different reason why so many women don't have hobbies that's not connected to.

[00:00:38] lack of time. I see this time and time and time again. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I myself have fallen into this trap and I just recently caught myself about to do it again. So here's what I'm talking about. Let's say you decide to start a hobby, something that you have a desire to do just for the enjoyment of doing it.

[00:01:03] And then all of a sudden you realize you've turned what was supposed to be this hobby, something just for fun for yourself, into either a business, now you've got a side business, or you've put so many intense goals around it that now suddenly your hobby Becomes either an actual job or another feeling of like, I have to, and it's crazy.

[00:01:31] But because of the world that we live in today, it seems like we are just not allowed or encouraged to do anything for the sheer fun of doing it. Just for the enjoyment of it. And man, this hit home not too long ago when my daughter wanted to start taking violin lessons. Now she is not in a school that has an orchestra.

[00:01:53] So she is not in an orchestra setting. She does not want to perform in front of others. Meaning she's like, I don't want to do recitals or anything. I just, she just said, I just want to learn how to play the violin for myself. Like it's, it's something I want to do. I thought fantastic. I grew up playing many instruments and I love music, but guys, here's what happened.

[00:02:16] You know, I, I put out there into the social media world here in my local area, like, Hey, I'm looking for violin teachers. And I did some Google searches, all of that. And a couple names popped up. So I didn't think to have the conversation ahead of time with the teacher that like. Hey, we're doing this for fun.

[00:02:34] I just kind of assumed that was a given. So we found a violin teacher. We went in for the first violin lesson and we left and my daughter's like, I don't want to take violin lessons. It was so much structure, required repertoire. And basically I, I reached back out to the teacher afterwards and just kind of said, Hey, I should have done a better job level setting this with you.

[00:02:58] You know, she's really just wanting to learn for her own personal enjoyment as someone who loves music. You know, are you willing to be flexible maybe in some of the repertoire that she's learning, you know, fully understanding that there's technical things one must learn with an instrument, right?

[00:03:12] You've got to learn techniques. Scales are important part of music. I wasn't asking for any of that, but the answer was no. So I then went and started calling down the list of violin teachers looking for a teacher that wanted to teach someone just for the sheer joy of wanting to learn the instrument.

[00:03:29] And I am embarrassed. I'm not even going to tell you the number of phone calls I had to have where it took me months to find a teacher that was willing to teach my daughter how to play the violin. for the joy of playing the violin. Over half of them said recitals were mandatory. And all the rest said that there would be no introduction to any repertoire she wants to learn until at least year three.

[00:03:55] Thankfully, I did not give up and found a teacher who was like, oh, fantastic. As long as she's, you know, willing to understand that there's some technical stuff we have to do, I am totally willing to work with her to make sure she's fine, you know, that we're picking out music that she wants to learn how to play.

[00:04:10] And I think that right there explains exactly what I'm talking about. Like, even at a young age of 14, my daughter's 14 right now, it was that hard for her to find an avenue to go do something just for the enjoyment of doing it without recitals and tests and all of this stuff accompanied to it. And it really got me thinking.

[00:04:35] why is this? How did we land here? And I think a lot has to do with two key things, right? One is, if you're out there looking on social media or any other platform, there's this obsession with women having to have side hustles, right? So if you, even if you currently work a full time corporate job, But especially if you are at home full time raising kids, there this, there's this undercurrent, this expectation that you must also have a side hustle, that raising children is not enough of a responsibility, which by the way, that's 24 seven, nor is having an entire full time job already.

[00:05:19] But now there's this expectation. that we all have side hustles, whether you want one or not. Now, there's also a almost requirement in the world that we live in today with the cost of living and everything with it, that if you are full time at home with kids, there's an expectation that or a reality that you've got to find some way to be earning income as well.

[00:05:42] Right. And it's both social expectations, but then there's the subtle thing of guilt that sets in, right? If I'm not earning X amount, I feel guilty. I feel like I'm not doing enough. And I've talked about this before, but it all comes down to the same problem, which is that our worth is defined by our productivity.

[00:06:07] Now, I'm not saying that it, that it should be, but I'm saying that's the reality that so many of us live in. And that's kind of subtle messaging everywhere that your worth is wrapped into society's definition of productivity, which is Getting more done, right? My definition of productivity is very different.

[00:06:27] It's getting the most important things done in a stress free way. It's not about hustle, hustle, hustle, go, go, go. But even the term side hustle is, you know, subtly putting that in there, right? That your worthiness is attached to how much you do and or how much you earn. So I want to kind of share a couple things to watch for.

[00:06:49] If you are starting into a new hobby, I'll share you two things that I slipped into recently, and thankfully I caught myself on it. one thing out of the gate is we are a very goal obsessed society. Now I love goals, right? I set them for myself. all the time. But this is why when I am teaching goal setting or long term planning with women, as I do in my Planapalooza event every year, I like to use the language want tos instead of goals, because hobbies fall into this want to bucket, right?

[00:07:25] What are things I want to do? And by simply changing that terminology of, no, it's not a goal, it's just a want to, Right? All of a sudden, yeah, like, hey, I want to start taking watercolor classes. I'm just using that as an example. Saying I want to start creating, taking watercolor classes sets me up to have a hobby.

[00:07:47] But saying I have a goal to do a watercolor painting, like even my tone changed, right? Like already I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling like, oh, this is going to be judged. I have to have it in perfection. Unless I have that painting that looks absolutely perfect, I won't have hit my goal. So I want you to remove.

[00:08:08] the verb or the term, not verb, the term goal when you're thinking about a hobby. All right. Because the minute you put the word goal next to it, now you've already shifted subtly into almost job mode, right? Like there has to be this designated. end point. And with hobbies, friends, we should have the right to have things that don't have designated end points.

[00:08:34] Now, recently, it was very interesting. I've shared with you all a couple years ago, I had a want to of learning how to play the cello. So I've been taking cello lessons now for just over two years. And a couple months ago, I realized I really, I was like avoiding practicing my cello and my, that practicing my cello is my me time.

[00:08:55] I love it. I'm not very good at it and I don't care. I'm doing this because I want to, but I noticed I was avoiding it and I couldn't figure out why. And then one day it hit me. I am so blessed to be able to coach and mentor other women through their journey on time management. And I hold monthly live calls with all the women inside my top program.

[00:09:20] And people knew that I was I had decided to take cello lessons because there was one specific piece of music I've wanted to learn how to play that I love. It's the Bach Suite Concerto No. 1, and I've actually started working on it. And so they were asking like, Hey, are you going to play it for us?

[00:09:35] Are you going to play it for us when you get there? And I subtly took that on as like, oh gosh, now I have to actually perform this thing. And it took all the joy out of playing my cello because now I had like this, you know, I started mapping it out. Like, like, what if I come to play on a Palooza this year and I can't play it?

[00:09:55] And I turned what was a want to into a goal with an end date. And it took all the joy out of my hobby. And so I recently on a call with everyone said, I'm probably never going to play this for any of you. Will I change my mind later? Maybe. But I don't plan on playing it for anybody because I'm doing this for myself.

[00:10:20] And now I love going back up to that room in our home and playing my cello again. I allowed what was a hobby to now get turned into what felt like a job and a goal and a have to. And I robbed myself of the joy. of actually practicing this right now another thing that just hit a couple weeks ago again we do this to ourselves all the time is on my 50th birthday and I'm just sharing these examples because I'm hoping that you'll catch yourself in this and be like, Oh my gosh, I'm doing this. I've got to stop doing it. I had seen someone had done this thing called a temperature blanket. You can knit or crochet them. I'm not going to get into the specifics of it. But I was like, I really want to crochet a temperature blanket for myself over my 50th birthday.

[00:11:04] And this was a hobby. I truly, I mean, yes, there was a goal because I wanted to complete a blanket, but I had no end date in mind. And I wanted to do it because I used to do a lot of different types of crafts and I really enjoy crafting. And it's something that I just kind of stopped doing. And I love TV.

[00:11:22] I like watching TV shows in the evening. And sometimes I really like to have a craft to do while I'm doing it. Not out of guilt. All right, not because I feel like I have to, but because I genuinely enjoy it. And I was like, this would be a fun project. And so I started on it and then there was this whole fiasco where I ran out of one specific color and we had to wait till a whole new batch of yarn was made.

[00:11:45] So the thing got delayed for months. I finally was able to pick it back up. And what was the first thing I did? I set myself a due date of when it had to be done. And I start mapping out, okay, if I can just do five rows a day, five days a week, and I turned this thing now into a job. I took away all the joy of the hobby, which it used to just be, Hey, you know what?

[00:12:11] If it's an evening where I feel like doing it, I'm going to pick it up and work on it. And if it's a day where I'm just done, I'm not. And now I turned it into a Thankfully, After a night where I found myself going, Oh, like I gotta go. And I was like, what are, basically I was dreading. So I'm like, Oh, let me go get the bag out.

[00:12:29] I got to get five rows done. I caught myself. I was like, what are you doing, Megan? You've turned something you loved now into something you're dreading. But again, we turned it into Now, when I was sharing this blanket story with some women, I, I saw so many of them laughing and, and one gal Kathy shared on our call.

[00:12:54] She said, my husband has told me I am no longer allowed to start any more hobbies. That I'm gonna turn into a business because she said the same thing. She had all these hobbies. She enjoyed Some craft related right and I've seen it where women are like, oh my gosh I love to knit or crochet and now all of a sudden they've opened up an Etsy shop and now it's three o'clock in the morning And they're grinding out hats because they've turned what used to be their hobby into a business and they've lost all their joy out of it.

[00:13:22] So I want to encourage you, find a hobby, something you just enjoy doing, and don't put any end goal, any definition of success to the end of it. Because by doing so, you're going to reduce that joy for yourself, the way I believe that we can fix this, there's three things that are going to be required of you.

[00:13:52] If you want to actually have a hobby, Simply for the sheer joy of having a hobby, right? If you want to knit a blanket, if you want to learn how to paint, if you want to pick up music lessons, you want to start photography, whatever it is, first is that you need to recognize that and respect the fact. that you deserve to have a hobby.

[00:14:19] Sounds very easy, but for most of you this is going to be the hardest part of it, is to recognize that doing something just for yourself And I say it's required because I know for myself and everyone else that's done this, when you do things for yourself, when you prioritize time for yourself, just for you, you show up as the best you, you can be.

[00:14:50] I, I notice on days where if, if for some reason my cello lesson gets sacrificed or my practice gets sacrificed, I'm not my usual happy, rested, nice person at the end of the day. I harbor some resentment. All right. So recognize and respect that you deserve this. Everybody does. Now, the second part of this is also.

[00:15:14] Truly understanding and believing that your worth is not connected to your productivity, right? These two things go hand in hand. You deserve to do something just for yourself. And your worth is not defined by your productivity. Because even if you think you deserve to do something by yourself, you know, for yourself, but you're still bought into the fact that your worth is defined by your productivity, you're always going to let that thing fall off.

[00:15:45] Right? So you'd be like, Oh, well I could do, I could work on that blanket, but I'm going to go do this other thing that the rest of the world would consider productive, so therefore I am more worthy. All right? So those first two things are going to be very mindset y kind for you, right? Now the third one is really important.

[00:16:04] Gotta stop comparing yourself to others. Right. So just because I'm crocheting a blanket for myself means I need to make sure if I'm following someone on social media who crochets and I start seeing that she's doing a blank, you know, cranking out 20 crochet projects and instantly now I'm comparing myself going, God, look how long it took me to do it, but look what she could do.

[00:16:27] This is how we get in that vicious trap of now suddenly your hobby is a goal or a job. So again, we're going to recognize that you deserve to have hobbies for yourself. You're going to understand and believe that your worth is not tied to your productivity. And then you're not going to compare yourself to others.

[00:16:46] Now, yes, I recognize those three things are far easier said than done. I am still a work in progress, right? Proof that even just the other weekend, I was resting for a little bit. I'd had a heck of a week and the house was quiet and it was a Saturday and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to just put on a movie.

[00:17:07] And I, I, my husband was out doing yard work. And as soon as he walked in the house, what did I do? I jumped up off the couch and acted like I was doing something. Not because he expected me to be doing something. He had zero issues with me sitting on the couch on a Saturday afternoon. But I felt that my worth was being defined if I was being productive or not.

[00:17:30] Right? And I caught myself. And I was like, okay, just go rest, right? You deserve to do this. So again, I am right there in the trenches with you. I am a work in progress, but I believe if more of us do this and more of us can share the hobbies that we have for no end goal other than time for ourselves, we can help others see the need in that.

[00:17:54] And ultimately, you know, Give them permission, if you will, to do the same for themselves because I know this will have such a tremendous impact for everyone. If we can all make this shift on really understanding our worth and then treat yourself to a hobby.